I am known as someone who doesn’t give any shit to what happened around -an ignorance maybe-. I don’t really care about anything, and i am not good at pretending. If i hate someone, people would know it easily. But, I’ve been so stressed recently. Not about school or task, not about past or future. It’s all about… I don’t know.
A lot of things to do and i don’t know what should i do first, i am kinda stuck in the middle of nowhere. I felt so confused and worried about what should i do next and what will going to happen. It’s kinda frustrated when you thought you already did your best but doing your best is still wasn’t enough. A lot of “what if..” has been asked, but none of it answered.
In this hard time, where are you? You said we could share our doubts and fears. You said we could continue to share. You said we always could be the other place, when there is no where else to go. Now i am scared. It’s scary that everything you’re saying to me could be a lie.
I wish you were here and tell me “Don’t give up, let’s try harder”. But you’re not. I’ve been waiting for you, for so long. I’ve been looking for you, but you’re not around. Now i am so done. I am tired, it’s hard for me to do it by myself.
My mom once told me “Do what you want to do, it’s your life, you make your own decision.” So i decide to let everything just flow.
Thing has changed, and it’d probably better to let people go. Sadly, even the ones you thought you’d never lose. But i hope there’s still hopes, i always want to try harder to fix it all, but it’s breaking me when i am the only one who trying. Wish things could be different, honestly i doubt you’ll notice that you’re pushing me away.
Right now, I stop forcing myself to do things. Cause trying too hard pushes the thing i want to achieve, further away. By forcing it and trying desperately to make it work, I cut off the flow of inspiration and energy. I allow frustration to settle in, and when that happens, the fight gets harder.
Instead of trying harder or hoping for your presence, now i choose to simply stop and breathe when i am stuck. I choose to just let it flow~.